I'm Afraid to Let Go!
I am still fat, but I am losing weight. I am having a hard time with accepting that fact. In this journey, I am having a very hard time of letting go of the pounds apparently.
Never thought I would ever say that in life. On Friday, it hit me. My friend Krystle was yelling at me about my clothes -- like she has been doing for the past few weeks. I had on a pair of black shorts that were so big, they were literally falling off of me. My friend Danielle could probably have fit into them with me. All day long I kept playing with these damn shorts because they were falling off. I even refused to wear a belt someone offered me. Why would I do this?
Why wouldn't I want to show off my success? Despite some setbacks due to my former birth control, I have been able to lose some weight. Why wouldn't I want to show that off?
It is all in my mind. I am so used to being a certain size that I can't accept that my body is changing. Am I trying to sabotage myself because my mind cant catch up to the change in my body? My trainer has been yelling at me for months to buy new clothes. Now my friend Krystle has joined her in this cause. I still haven't bought anything new, well in my new size. The few times I have purchased new clothes its been in my old size. FOR WHY?
Most people would be thrilled about buying clothes in a smaller size, but apparently not me. I have been thinking about this all weekend -- Why am I afraid to embrace my new size? The only thing I've come up with is that this would be a truly new experience for me. I have never in my life been small, NEVER! I don't think I was truly prepared that I could actually lose weight and keep it off!
I think it might be time to take a trip to buy some clothes that fit. Time to stop holding myself back out of fear of the unknown. Comfort is easy, time for me to get really uncomfortable and make it to the other side, just a few sizes smaller!
Here is to getting over that fear and dropping the rest of these pounds. I will be buying a full length mirror for my house to when I get back from my trip!