Recently, I was in a conversation with someone who told me I was not "marriage material" because "I don't need a man." Needless to say this comment erupted into a whole argument, even though I am not even sure I want to get married, LOL! However, an unbridled curiosity has been peaked regarding whether or not men think women who are self sustaining don't need them.
Let me start by saying that when I was told that I was not “marriage material” it was like taking a punch to the gut. In that instant, I envisioned myself at 60 years old, with no husband or children, even though I can do without the kids, LOL; but instead with 30 cats (I abhor cats) in an empty house eating canned tuna. However, I quickly snapped out of it and thought, “Hold up Shawty, you don’t know me!” *in my best T.I voice*
When I asked the man why he deemed me unworthy to be married, he stated the following reasons: “You own your own home, you have a masters, you don’t need my money--you good…” His list continued with more stupid monetary and tangible items, and as he continued to ramble I began to realize that this guy is a dud anyway.
But yes, I do own my home and I and have a masters degree (my biggest regret in life.) Yes, I can pay my own car note (ugh, I have one of these again) and pay all my bills on time. But tell me why that means I don’t need a man. Yes, I can provide myself with food, clothing, and shelter – my basic needs in life — without the help of a man. But as adults, shouldn’t we all be able to take care of ourselves? Would you want to marry someone who could not take care of his or herself?
I finally interjected this man to say that you don’t want someone who needs you to take care of them; you want someone who is dependent upon you for all of the intangible things that being in a partnership provides. There is a difference. Women like to have men around for many reasons like the obvious things – shoveling snow, carrying the groceries in, fixing broken things in the house, etc. LOL. Though it’s nice to have men to do these are things, I can (and do) handle them on my own. Needing a man is more than the physical and monetary benefits; it is also about companionship, connecting, encouragement, intimacy, love, partnership and support. It’s having someone to make you feel appreciated, respected, secure, and special. It is—simply put—about needing real, unconditional love.
Therefore, I can do everything for myself, but I am not going to want to do it alone forever. My self-sufficiency is not meant to be intimidating or challenging to men. And the simple fact remains: I DO NEED A MAN!!
*sings* I can pay my own light bill baby, Pump my own gas in my own car, I can buy my own shoe collection, I've been blessed thus far, I can kill the spider above my bed, Although it's hard because I'm scared, I can even stain and polyurethane…And even though I can do all these things by my damn self, I need you, I do, I do, I do, I do… -Jill Scott